I Am Alright

I was sitting on the bench in my living room, looking at the fireflies through the window, trying to make the best of my Husband being so far away. I was trying to be hopeful– flipping through the pages of a mediterranean cookbook in candlelight, planning a welcome home meal to celebrate his return. Trying really hard to fight the urge to cry because I’m not with him creating these new memories and experiencing all of these new experiences by his side. I am battling ailments as well. Small little reminders that life will be a constant battle. I clinch my fist trying not to raise it and curse the heavens for turning this world, this life, this body against me.

But then I hear a crash behind me. It’s my bookshelf lightening its load from its over-filled shelves of collected stories that have our stories attached to them. My phone pings across the room and it displays messages that confirm a love so great. Our old bedroom door screeches at the hinges, echoing through the long halls as the cat nuzzles her way inside. This afternoon’s mail sits in the foyer with letters from far away friends. There’s a bowl on the dining room table filled with dirt covered tomatoes freshly picked this morning.

I gave into the pressure behind my eyes and let the tears fall. Why do I feel the constant need to compare myself to everyone else? If the life they have received, all of the vacations, possessions and good karma are the things that they deserve, are my gifts– no matter how “small” they are– any less precious than theirs?

No.

The gift of life is precious. This life that I have been given was made especially for me. I wipe my tears, stuff the book back into a nonexistent slot and message Joshua that I love and miss him. He tells me the same and I know that I am alright.

I am alright.

2016 Reading List Update

I haven’t gotten much reading done with surgery and all but I have managed to knock some of the items off of my reading list this year. 

A book you can finish in a day – My best friend just got the entire set of Lemony Snicket books so we have been reading them together and we have managed to read a book a day when we have time to. They are so small and fun. 

A book recommended by a local librarian or bookseller – The book Eleanor was recommended to me by a person in Barnes and Noble. Luckily, I managed to snag a free copy off of the internet. 

A book you’ve already read at least once – I also restarted the Chronicles of Narnia series all over again. I just love those books.   Read more

Don’t Be Afraid of The Stars Anymore

When we pulled up to our new home in a small town in the pitch dark, I was overwhelmed by the size of the moon and the sky blanketed with bright and scary stars. I remember closing my eyes quickly and getting nauseous. My heart began to race and my mom became concerned about my breathing. I gripped my backpack as my sister led me inside this empty new house and sat me on the floor. When she asked what was wrong, I answered. She laughed. So did everyone else. 

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