Week Two

I’m not at all ready to talk about the details of what happened because I’ve relived it one too many times already so, I’m sorry to anyone that was interested.

I am feeling so many things right now. I think I’m done with the painful and constant crying bit of the devastating loss of a pregnancy but boy does it leave such an indescribable emptiness to you. It took me until just a day or two ago to acknowledge that my child was gone but I think we’re doing pretty good to be able to laugh with one another again at just two weeks past the event. We’ve learned so much about ourselves, love and marriage through this all.

Joshua, who is usually very strong and closed (“manly”) up with his feelings, has opened up so much. As a woman going through all of the physical pain, you would never imagine that you could recognized how much the guy actually hurts in this situation and this may sound brash but knowing that he was in as much pain as I was/am made this all so much easier. I knew that I wouldn’t have to find a way to heal alone. I wasn’t/am not in this alone. We experienced this together and we are getting one another through this.

Guilt is overwhelming. I felt so guilty for moving on with day to day life. How dare I be hungry? How could I be so worried about food? Clean the house? I should be ashamed of myself. I felt guilty for breathing. For getting a full nights sleep. You don’t fully understand guilt until you understand grief.

I find myself not having any room whatsoever for other people’s feelings. I’m usually very considerate but in this situation, no one else’s feelings trump mine and my husband’s. THAT, I don’t feel guilty about.

I can’t think about what our future will be like because this is still very much in the present but I’m hoping and as much as it make’s people uncomfortable, I am praying to God for clarity and peace.

My Lord, do I need peace.

9 thoughts on “Week Two

  1. Don’t apologise for not wanting to explain what happened. You’re not obligated to any of us to do that.

    Don’t feel guilty that you’re not feeling considerate towards other people’s feelings. You and he are grieving for a huge loss. It’s understandable to not want to think about anything else right now.

    *hugs* If you ever do want to talk, though, I’m here for you. I really am sorry for all this. I wished it hadn’t happened to you and Josh.

  2. Oh Joy, I can’t imagine what you’re going through at the moment. It is completely understandable that you don’t want to go into the details of things. At think at this time in your life you need to focus on you and your partner, and you don’t need to feel guilty for having normal feelings.

    I hope that you find peace and clarity. Sending my love.

  3. I’m so sorry that this happened to you, Joy 🙁 I can’t imagine what you and Joshua are going through right now, and I think it’s totally understandable to not share details or deal with other people during this difficult time. Take the time you need, and I hope you find the peace and clarity you’re looking for. I’m wishing the best for the both of you. Please let us know if there’s anything we can do for you <3 *hugs*

  4. *a million trillion hugs*

    I really don’t know what to say. 🙁 Just know I am thinking of you and hope over time you will be able to heal and that I am here for you if you need me. <3

  5. Joy, I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I am praying for you both. I adore your strength and love. Please let me know if there is anything I can do – I am totally here for you!!! <3

  6. Joy, I don’t know what you are going through, but just know that you are not alone. Take all the time you need to just grieve. You and your husband are in my thoughts. <3

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